The Friday Funnies – The Fit Hit the Shan Edition

Friday Funnies jpg

It FINALLY Happened:
The Fit Hit the Shan!

(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)
The fit hit the shan

• Katzndawgz
(Hat tip: “Chris-to-Fear”)
SmellyFeet

• Deutschland Über Alles!
(Another hat tip to “Chris-to-Fear”)

China:Germany

…  meanwhile, at a nursery in Noo Joisey  …
(The honors for this go to “RH.”)
Screen Shot 2015-08-12 at 8.52.59 PM

which brings us to

SleepWithMom

• Especially for “Dr. Mc:”

Sleepwalking nun

• Airplane Food
(Hat tip: “Ol’ Petrol Head”)

Airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening flight from Glasgow, the lead flight attendant for the cabin crew nervously made the following painful announcement..:

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m so very sorry but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up one minute prior to take-off, by our airport catering service…
I don’t know how this has happened but we have 103 passengers on board and, unfortunately, only 40 dinner meals…
We truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.”

When passengers’ muttering had died down, she continued,

“Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight.”

Her next announcement came 90 minutes later…

“If anyone would like to change their minds, we still have 40 dinners available.”

Psychiatrist vs. Bartender
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)
Shrink's couch
Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.

So I went to a shrink and told him: “I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.”

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”

“How much do you charge?”

“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.

“I’ll sleep on it,” I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?” He asked.

“Well, Eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00.

I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck.”

“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.”

It’s always better to get a second opinion.

• Blonde Joke du Jour
blonde jokes-sm

blonde-jokes

• Lawyer Joke du Jour

Shark-Attorney

Lawyer joke

•    •    •    •

This Week’s Walmartian!

walmart-logo

Walmartian

The Walmart Car Show

Walmart car show IV

•    •    •    •

• Freaks of Fast Food, Dirty Little Minion Edition

Freaks of Fast Food

• Separated at Birth: Old Hitlery ® DNC and The K-Street Lobbyists

HitlerySeparatedAtBirthKSt

•     •     •     •

The Strange Thoughts of …

Hugh Jass

(Hat tip: “Ol’ Petrol Head”)

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 195 lbs. I’ve gained.

I’m getting kind of tired always slowly raising my hand when someone asks, “Who does something like that?!?”

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, “Here fill this out”..?

Four-time NASCAR Sprint Cup champion Jeff Gordon announced that this will be his final season of racing.
You could tell it was time for him to retire during his last race when he had his blinker on the whole time.

The speed in which a woman says “Nothing” when asked “What’s wrong?” is inversely proportional to the severity of the shit storm that’s coming.

Denny’s has a slogan, ‘If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.’ …..If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday… your life sucks!

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need…..not all this, “How did you get in my house” business!

The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today….Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. …This is upsetting news to me………… I had no idea I was Japanese.

I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”

I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?

When I die I want to be reincarnated as a spider.
Just so I can finally hear a women say “Oh my God, it’s huge!”

•    •    •    •

The Continuing Series Series:

Why Women Live Longer Than Men,
ALL TIME GRAND CHAMPION

(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)

Why Women Live Longer

… Related:
• Another Reason Women Live Longer Than Men
Football
• You Had ONE Job To Do
(Hat tip: “Dr. Mc”)
One Job

Italian Translations

(Hat tip to “Joe P” for this new series)
Italian Translations

How To Pose With A Statue
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)
How to pose with statues

•    •    •    •

• Paddy & Mick
(Hat tip: “Ol’ Petrol Head”)

Paddy says to Mick “I found this pen, is it yours?”

Mick replies “Don’t know, give it here” – he then tries it and says “Yes it is”

Paddy asks “How do you know?”

Mick replies “That’s my handwriting!”

• Voices
voices

• Gone Fishin’

gonefishing

• Sunday Brunch
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)
sunday-brunch

…  and with that, we’ll say  …

That-s-All-Folks

2 Comments

Add yours →

  1. Thanks for the Friday smiles.. Love ’em.

    Like

  2. You knew that if you stuck around long enough, you’d finally see the fit hit the shan!
    🙂

    Like

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