The Friday Funnies – Wives and Husbands Edition

Friday Funnies jpg

#1 Cause

(Hat tip: “Ol’ Petrol Head”)

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – “Which book has helped you most in your life?”
The woman replied – “My husband’s cheque book!!”

A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called, ‘Husband – the Master of the House’?
Sales Girl: “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor.”

Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – Darling, Honey, Luv. What’s the secret?
Old man: I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask!

Wife: I wish I were a newspaper so I’d be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper so I could have a new one every day!
(He sounds like BJ Clinton …)

Wife to Husband – “Today is a fine day.” Next day she says: “Today is a fine day.” Again next day, she says same thing – “Today is a fine day.” Finally after a week, the husband asks his wife  – “Since last week, you are saying today is a fine day. I am fed up. What’s the matter?”
Wife: “Last week when we had an argument, you said, I will leave you one fine day. I was just trying to remind you.”

WATER IN THE FUEL INJECTORS
(Hat tip: “Dr. Mc”)
WIFE: “There is trouble with the car. It has water in the fuel injectors.”
HUSBAND: “Water in the fuel injectors? That’s ridiculous?
WIFE: “I tell you the car has water in the fuel injectors.”
HUSBAND: “You don’t even know what the fuel injectors are. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?
WIFE: “In the pool”

• Man Sues Wife Over Make Up (You Can’t Make This Stuff Up Dept.)
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)
Wedded bliss
and that brings us to
• I’ll Drink To That – And Make It A Double!
I'll drink to that

•     •     •     •

• Questionable Advice:
Camouflage

• No $hî†, Sherlock – All Time Grand Champion!
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)
no-sht-25-photos-19

•    •    •    •

The Continuing Series Series

• Why Women Live Longer Than Men
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)

ATT00028

• You Had ONE Job To Do
(Hat tip: “Dr. Mc”)

You had ONE job

• Italian Translations
(Hat tip: “Joe P”)

Italian translations

• How To Pose With Statues
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)

How to pose with statues

• Thank you, Steve Jobs
(Hat tip: “Penny AB”)

Screen Shot 2015-09-24 at 11.41.43 PM

… which brings us to …
• Texting In The Old Days

texting

which in turn connects us to this pearl of wisdom from
• Abraham Lincoln

Screen Shot 2015-09-25 at 1.12.57 AM

• More Technology News!

Radiologists' selfies

• Duck Hunter

Duck hunter

• He Must Have Bought His High School Diploma at Walmart:

morans-thumb

… speaking of Walmart 

•     •     •     •

This Week’s Walmartian!

walmart-logo

Is TP on your shopping list?

Walmartian

• Walmartians In The News!

(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)

Walmartians in the news

(Hat tip: “A. Nonymous”)

Walmart Burrito

speaking of burritos, we now arrive at
• Freaks of Fast Food – Pimp Daddy Taco Bell Edition

Freaks of Fast Food - Taco Bell
speaking of Mexican Food
• Signs, Signs

(Hat tip: “Ol’ Petrol Head”)
Signs, signs - nachos

…   “Ol’ Petrol Head also provides us with information about  …
• Scottish Bars

Scottish bars

•     •     •     •

• Blonde Joke du Jour

blonde jokes-sm

(Hat tip to “Shirl,” who is a blonde … )

A contestant, Sally, on ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’ had reached the final plateau.
If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.
It was, Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it:
A) the condor
B)) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.
She hoped she would not have to use it because her friend was, well, blonde. But she had no alternative.
She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
The blonde responded unhesitatingly: “That’s easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo.”
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Meredith any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be convinced.
“I need an answer,” said Meredith.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said,
“C: The cuckoo.”
“Is that your final answer?”
“Yes, that is my final answer.”
And Meredith replied, “That answer is…. Absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!”
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
“Joni, I just do not know how to thank you,” said the contestant.
“How did you happen to know the right answer?”
“Oh, come on,” said the blonde…
“Everybody knows that cuckoos don’t build nests. They live in clocks.”
Sally fainted………………………

• Lawyer Joke du Jour
(Hat tip: Cousin DR)
Shark-Attorney

Our Lawyer Joke du Jour is brought to us by the Shaidy Law Firm

Lawyers4

A man walking along the beach one day finds a bottle. He rubs it and, sure enough, out popped a genie. “I will grant you three wishes,” said the genie. “But there is a catch. Every time you make a wish, every lawyer in the world will receive double the wish you were granted.”

“Well, I can live with that! No problem!” replied the elated man.

“What is your first wish?” asked the genie.

“Well, I’ve always wanted a Ferrari!” POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man. “Now every lawyer in the world has TWO Ferraris,” said the genie. “Next wish?”

“I’d love a million dollars,” replied the man. POOF! One million dollars appeared at his feet. “Now every lawyer in the world has TWO million dollars,” said the genie. “Well, that’s okay, as long as I’ve got my million,” replied the man. “What is your third and final wish?”

The man thought long and hard, and finally said, “Well, you know, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney!”

• Snark du Jour

Snark

Snark-dumb as dirt

• Katzndawgz

Katzndawgs

• Separated At Birth – Chelsea Clinton & the Democrat Party mascot:

Separated at Birth/Chelsea

… after that, it must be time to say:

That-s-All-Folks

One Comment

Add yours →

  1. Thanks for a mile of smiles… I like that Get a Brain, Morans.

    Like

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