The Friday Funnies -Drugs or Alcohol Edition

Friday Funnies jpg

(Hat tip to “RH” for this:)

Drugs, alcohol?

• Blonde Joke du Jour

blonde jokes-sm

A blind man walks into a bar, makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender. “Hey, You wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair that you should know five things.

Number One. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

Number Two. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

Number Three. I’m a six-foot-tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

Number Four. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

Number Five. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

She concludes by smugly asking, “Now think about it seriously, mister.
Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

• Lawyer Joke du Jour

Shark-Attorney

A businessman was trying to choose a lawyer, but was being very careful about it. He scheduled appointments to interview three lawyers.

At the first lawyer’s office, after an initial exchange of pleasantries, the businessman said, “Okay, let’s get down to business. I have an important question for you, and I want you to think carefully before answering. How much is two plus two?”

The lawyer raised his eyebrows. “two plus two is four.” The businessman thanked him for his time, and proceeded to his next appointment.

The second lawyer, who was also a CPA, seemed a bit more particular than the first lawyer. After an initial discussion, the businessman again announced that he had a very important question, and asked, “How much is two plus two?”

The second lawyer went over to a computer, and entered figures into a spreadsheet. “According to my calculations, two plus two is approximately four.” The businessman thanked him for his time, and proceeded to his next appointment.

The third lawyer sat behind a big mahogany desk, and smoked a cigar. He seemed rather self-important as compared to the other two, but at the same time appeared to be much more successful. The businessman again announced, “I would like you to answer a very important question for me, before I decide whether I should use your services. How much is two plus two?”

The lawyer pulled the shades, locked the door to his office, and asked in a hushed voice, “How much do you want it to be?”

• Snark du Jour

I hate morning people

• Grammar Lesson du Jour

GrammarLesson

• Separated at Birth
(For those of you who missed this at “Jerry Mander;” Hat tip: “Chris-to-Fear”)

Separated at birth

00OO00

This Week’s Walmartian!

walmart-logo

Black Friday

and now
(DRUM ROLL)
THIS WEEK’S WALMARTIAN!

People-of-Walmart-22

00OO00

#1 Cause

(Hat tip: “Ol’ Petrol Head”)

My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.

God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.

00OO00

The Continuing Series Series

• Why Women Live Longer Than Men
(Hat tip to “B-Squared” for the series)

Why Women Live Longer Than Men

• Men In Need of Female Supervision
(Hat tip to “B-Squared” for the series)

Men In Need of Female Supervision

• Italian Translations
(Hat tip to “Joe P” for the series)

Tony:

Italian translations

What it usually means: A boy’s name.
What it means to Italian-Americans: The name of all your uncles and male cousins.

• How To Pose With Statues
(Hat tip to “B-Squared” for the series)

How to pose with statues

• Thank You, Steve Jobs, For These Devices
(Hat tip to “Penny AB” for the series)

Thank you, Steve Jobs

00OO00

• Voice Mail Greeting
(Hat tip: “Ol’ Petrol Head”)
“I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the tone.
If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.”

• Katzndawgz

katzndawgz

• Tilting At Windmills Prohibited!
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)

Quixote

• «Louis la Vache» sez: “It is NOT  Recommended For Cows To Attempt To Ride Bikes!”
(Another hat tip for “B-Squared”)

cow:bike

… which segues to …

Praying Mantis

with that, until next Friday,

That-s-All-Folks

One Comment

Add yours →

  1. Love the Windmills sign!!!!

    Like

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