(Hat tip to former Florida resident, “B-Squared”)
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up!
All of this happened in Florida!
• Florida Drivers License
(Hat tip: “Dr. Mc”)
I’ve surely gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine. I take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92, and I’ve lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my Florida driver’s license!
… California is still a contender, however, as witnessed by …
Must Be San Frannutso
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)
… moving now from Florida and California to Ireland, again courtesy of “Dr. Mc” …
• What A Sermon!
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. Murphy had never been to church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, “Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?”
Murphy said, “I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn’s hat.”
The priest said, “Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn’t steal McGlynn’s hat. What changed your mind?”
Murphy replied, “Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments I decided that I didn’t need to steal McGlynn ‘s hat after all.”
With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, “After I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell, eh?”
Murphy slowly shook his head. “No, Father, after ya talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ and that reminded me where I left me hat.”
His and Hers
(Hat tip: “RH”)
… and THAT brings us to …
(and another Hat Tip to “RH”)
The Continuing Series Series
• Why Women Live Longer Than Men
(Hat tip to “B-Squared” for the series)
• Men In Need Of Female Supervision – Bullwinkle Edition
(Hat tip to “Dr. Mc” for this edition; strong contender for All Time Grand Champion!)
This actually happened! They tied the guy to the roof. Then the driver and passengers put on moose heads and drove down Interstate Highway 35, reportedly causing 16 accidents. Yes, alcohol was involved. (No doubt they were drinking Moosehead Beer!) Yes, they went to jail. No, men cannot be left without female supervision!
• Italian Translations
(Hat tip to “Joe P” for the series)
• How To Pose With Statues
(Hat tip to “B-Squared” for the series)
• Thank you, Steve Jobs, for these devices
(Hat tip to “Penny AB” for the series)
This Week’s Walmartian!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up, Walmart Edition!
The Walmart Car Show
• Separated at Birth
… speaking of Conan …
• Monsieur Bibendum, Re-imagined
(Hat tip: Steven Hayward)
• Lawyer Joke du Jour
• Blonde Joke du Jour
(Hat tip: “Ol’ Petrol Head”)
On a bitterly cold winter morning in Glasgow, a Scottish husband and blonde wife were listening to the radio during breakfast.
They heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through.
“So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through.
“The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.
You must park….” Then the electric power went out.
The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, “I don’t know what to do.
Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow ploughs can get through?”
Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied.
“Why don’t you just leave the bloody car in the garage this time.”
• Snark du Jour
Now, without further ado, we’ll once again wish you a Happy New Year
and say …