The Friday Funnies – Divorce Settlement Edition

Friday Funnies jpg

Hat tips today to “B-Squared,” “Dr. Mc,” “Cousin Mary,” “A. Nonymous,” “RH,” “Nurse Cindy,” “Ol’ Petrol Head” and “Chris-to-Fear.”

#1 Cause

 Divorce Settlement

divorce_settelment

Divorce5

Divorce4

Lawyer Joke du Jour:

Divorce Attorney,

The Divorce Settlement:

On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates
and suitcases.

On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful
dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background
music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle
of spring-water.

When he’d finished, he went into each and every room and deposited
a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the
curtain rods.

He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and
at first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to
set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few
days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked! People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn’t take the stench any longer, and decided they
had to move, but a month later – even though they’d cut their price in
half – they couldn’t find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return
their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow
a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then the ex-husband called the woman and asked how things were going.
She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said
that he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his
divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was, she agreed
on a price that was only 1/10 th of what the house had been worth …but
only if he would sign the papers that very day.

He agreed, and within two hours her lawyers delivered the completed
paperwork.

A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched
the moving company pack everything to take to their new home … and
just to spite the ex-husband, they even took the curtain rods !!!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON’T YOU…?

-00OO00-

Gourmet Tip du Jour:

grilled watermelon

Redneck Engineering:

Redneck Engineering

Why Women Live Longer Than Men:

Why women live longer than men

I’m not sure these people are still with us:

I'm not sure these people are still with us

So, how’s your day going?

Screen Shot 2016-02-05 at 06.51.31

The boss is on another line:

The boss is on another line

Blonde Joke du Jour:

blonde jokes-sm

We went to see a movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier.
Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the center of the row got up and started working her way out.
“Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me.”
By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient, so I said, “Couldn’t you have
done this a little earlier?”
“No!” she said in a loud whisper. “The ‘TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE’ message just flashed up on the
screen and mine is in the car.”

Question of the Day:

Screen Shot 2016-02-05 at 06.55.41

-00OO00-

This Week’s Walmartian! – Fashionista Edition!

Walmart-always

Fashion tip: Never mix patterns – though I must say those cheeseburgers look awesome!

Screen Shot 2016-02-05 at 07.55.53

The Walmart Car Show

Walmart car show

Screen Shot 2016-02-05 at 06.57.09

-00OO00-

Separated at Birth: Old Hitlery ® DNC and Sgt. Schultz

Separated at Birth

… and with that, we’ll say …

happy-friday

 

2 Comments

Add yours →

  1. Okay This is the best yet. WE are still laughing. I did not know, but now I do, that half car was the seed for the SMART car!. I guess that is the car the cell phone is in!………………. THANKS for the laughs!

    Like

  2. I read that story when I was in my very trying divorce but it was from the woman’s point of view.
    This story set in California make a lot more sense.

    cheers, parsnip

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: