(Hat tip to “Ol’ Petrol Head” for the lead item this Friday.)
• Taxi Ride
A woman and her twelve-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit.
It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.
“Mom,” said the boy, “what are all those women doing?”
“They’re waiting for their husbands to get off work,” she replied.
The taxi driver turns around and says, “Geez lady, why don’t you tell him the Truth? They’re hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money.”
The little boy’s eyes get wide and he says, “Is that true Mom?”
His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answered “Yes”.
After a few minutes, the kid asks, “Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?”
She said, “Most of them become taxi drivers.”
… and now, “Joe P” brings us this related item …
• Beyond Stress
You pick up a hitchhiker … a beautiful girl.
Suddenly, she faints inside your truck and
you take her to the hospital.
Now that’s stressful.
But at the hospital, they say she is pregnant and
congratulate you that you’re going to be a father.
You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are.
This is getting VERY stressful!
You request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father.
After the tests are completed, the doctor says the test shows you’re infertile,
and probably have been since birth.
You’re extremely stressed, but relieved.
On your way back home, you think about your 5 kids at home….
… Next up: the Friday Funnies Staff Neurologist, “Dr. Mc,” brings us this …
• Word of Caution!
A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.
This means that the remaining 77% are caused by @$$holes who drink bottled water, Starbucks, soda, juice, energy drinks and stuff like that.
Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents!
This message is sent to you by someone who is a drinker and worries about your safety.
• Medical Grammar Lesson:
• A Word From Maxine
… that word from Maxine reminds us that …
• Boys Will Always Be Boys:
… naturally enough, that brings us to …
• Banana Republic
… which leads us to this best-selling book …
• What Men Think About
… while we are on the subject of boys being boys …
• Why Women Live Longer Than Men
… and that brings us to …
• Men In Need of Female Supervision
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)
… which segues nicely to …
• Wonders of Redneck Engineering
• Blonde Joke du Jour
• Lawyer Joke du Jour
A businessman was trying to choose a lawyer, but was being very careful about it. He scheduled appointments to interview three lawyers.
At the first lawyer’s office, after an initial exchange of pleasantries, the businessman said, “Okay, let’s get down to business. I have an important question for you, and I want you to think carefully before answering. How much is two plus two?”
The lawyer raised his eyebrows. “two plus two is four.” The businessman thanked him for his time, and proceeded to his next appointment.
The second lawyer, who was also a CPA, seemed a bit more particular than the first lawyer. After an initial discussion, the businessman again announced that he had a very important question, and asked, “How much is two plus two?”
The second lawyer went over to a computer, and entered figures into a spreadsheet. “According to my calculations, two plus two is approximately four.” The businessman thanked him for his time, and proceeded to his next appointment.
The third lawyer sat behind a big mahogany desk, and smoked a cigar. He seemed rather self-important as compared to the other two, but at the same time appeared to be much more successful. The businessman again announced, “I would like you to answer a very important question for me, before I decide whether I should use your services. How much is two plus two?”
The lawyer pulled the shades, locked the door to his office, and asked in a hushed voice, “How much do you want it to be?”
• Snark du Jour
• Groaner du Jour
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)
• Groaner du Jour BONUS!
This Week’s Walmartian!
(Hat tip: “Cousin Mary”)
Important News Flash About Walmart:
The Walmart Car Show
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)
• Great Comebacks
(Hat tip to “Chris-to-Fear” and everyone else who sent this series.)
• Yes, It matters where you put the price tag!(Another bow of the bowler to “Chris-to-Fear”)
… in closing, “A. Nonymous” brings us this important fact …
Our goal today has been to have something to offend everyone. We’ve picked on men, boys, hookers, taxi drivers, Starbucks customers, Walmartians, blondes and lawyers. If we missed anyone, we’ll try to catch up with you next Friday. Until then,