The Friday Funnies – Hugh Jass’s Thoughts For The Day

Friday Funnies jpg

It has been a while since we’ve heard from The Friday Funnies’ resident philosopher, Hugh Jass, but today, thanks to “Joe P.” and “Dr. Mc” (The Friday Funnies’ Staff Neurologist), we have a new collection of the thoughts of Hugh Jass! Also, hat tips today to “B-Squared” and “A. Nonymous” for their contributions.

Hugh Jass

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

… in a similar vein …

The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today…. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 195 lbs. I’ve gained.

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. Do they just give you a bra and say, “here fill this out”..?

Hooters logoHooters

…  which brings us to this related item:

Are Men Helpful?

Nowmore from Hugh Jass:

The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “What’s wrong?” is inversely proportional to the severity of the storm that’s coming..

Denny’s has a slogan, ‘If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us. ….. If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday … you’re a loser!

Denny's

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need … not all this, “how did you get in my house?” business!

• On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. … This is upsetting news to me … I had NO idea I am Japanese!

I can’t understand why women are okay with the fact that JC Penney has an older women’s clothing line named “Sag Harbor!”

Sagging breasts

I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

one last thought from Hugh Jass:

What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?

-00OO00-

Burp

he must have been using:

Burp Meister

-00OO00-

• Blonde Joke du Jour

blonde jokes-sm

Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.

He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”

Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”

The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!”

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”

Bob replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, So I knew he would jump.”

The blonde replied, “I did, too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

Bob took the money.

• Lawyer Joke du Jour

Shark-Attorney

law1

• Snark du Jour

Snark-if stupid could fly

• Groaner du Jour

Groaner

• Groaner du Jour (BONUS)

Groaner du Jour

• You Had ONE Job To Do

One Job

• Just when you thought YOU had lost your marbles, along comes this: (Check it out!)

Marble Music Machine

• Banana Republic

BananaRepublic

• Why Women Live Longer Than Men

Why Men Die First

-00OO00-

This Week’s Walmartian!

Walmart-always

Separated At Birth – Walmart Edition

Separated at Birth - Walmart Edition

The Walmart Car Show – Post St. Paddy’s Day Edition

Walmart Car Show - After St. Paddy's Day

Now! Shorter Lines At Walmart!

Walmart:shorter line

-00OO00-

funeralservice-vi

Take It With You

-00OO00-

Vegan parents

… which brings us to:

Tree Hugger

• You Can’t Make This Stuff Up!

Homeless Man Steals Ambulance

• Smart Jokes

Smart-Jokes-01

• Daily Job Moods

Work Moods

• So now, we’ve come to a …

Fork in the road

and with that, for this Friday, we’ll say  …

That's All

2 Comments

Add yours →

  1. jack darnell 18/03/2016 — 06:08

    Thanks again for the miles of smiles. Love it that I found my marbles and the FORK in the road! Imma chose the one less traveled by!

    Like

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