It has been a while since we’ve heard from The Friday Funnies’ resident philosopher, Hugh Jass, but today, thanks to “Joe P.” and “Dr. Mc” (The Friday Funnies’ Staff Neurologist), we have a new collection of the thoughts of Hugh Jass! Also, hat tips today to “B-Squared” and “A. Nonymous” for their contributions.
• The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.
• My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
… in a similar vein …
• The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today…. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
• My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 195 lbs. I’ve gained.
• I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. Do they just give you a bra and say, “here fill this out”..?
… which brings us to this related item:
… Now, more from Hugh Jass:
• The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “What’s wrong?” is inversely proportional to the severity of the storm that’s coming..
• Denny’s has a slogan, ‘If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us. ….. If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday … you’re a loser!
• If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need … not all this, “how did you get in my house?” business!
• On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. … This is upsetting news to me … I had NO idea I am Japanese!
• I can’t understand why women are okay with the fact that JC Penney has an older women’s clothing line named “Sag Harbor!”
• I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
… one last thought from Hugh Jass: …
• What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
… he must have been using:
• Blonde Joke du Jour
Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”
Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”
The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!”
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”
Bob replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, So I knew he would jump.”
The blonde replied, “I did, too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Bob took the money.
• Lawyer Joke du Jour
• Snark du Jour
• Groaner du Jour
• Groaner du Jour (BONUS)
• You Had ONE Job To Do
• Just when you thought YOU had lost your marbles, along comes this: (Check it out!)
• Banana Republic
• Why Women Live Longer Than Men
This Week’s Walmartian!
Separated At Birth – Walmart Edition
The Walmart Car Show – Post St. Paddy’s Day Edition
Now! Shorter Lines At Walmart!
… which brings us to:
• You Can’t Make This Stuff Up!
• Smart Jokes
• Daily Job Moods
• So now, we’ve come to a …
… and with that, for this Friday, we’ll say …