We begin this Friday with the Lawyer Joke du Jour, specifically about a LONDON lawyer, submitted by the Friday Funnies Staff Neurologist and resident Irishman, “Dr. Mc.”
A London lawyer ran a stop sign and was pulled over by an Irish cop. He thought that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education than any Irish cop. He decided to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop’s expense!
Irish cop said, “License and registration, please.”
London Lawyer replied, “What for?”
Irish cop said, “Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”
London Lawyer said, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”
Irish cop said, “Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please”
London Lawyer said, “What’s the difference?”
Irish cop said, “The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!”
London Lawyer said, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”
Irish cop said, “Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.”
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living $hî† out of the lawyer and said, “Daeye want me to stop or just slow down? ”
… Speaking of lawyers …
… next up, “B-Squared” sends this:
An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while,Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. The engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls and asks Satan, “So, how’s it going down there?”
Satan says, “Hey things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets, escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next!”
God is horrified. “What!? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake – he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here!”
Satan says, “No way! I like having an engineer on the staff. I’m keeping him!”
God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue!”
“Yeah, right,” Satan laughs, “and where are you going to get a lawyer?”
Why Women Live Longer Than Men
… next up, “Dr. Mc” submits this wise insight into women:
Likely the most insightful form of wisdom I’ve run across …
Sir William Golding may have been an “oldie”, but he managed to condense a life time of experience with women into one brilliant summary statement:
“I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men, they are far superior and always have been. Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be prepared to receive a ton of $_î†!”
… now is an appropriate time for this headline:
The Pope suddenly and inexplicably changes the Catholic Church policy on priests and marriage
… which brings us to …
… which in turn brings us to our …
Blonde Joke du Jour – French Edition
“It’s cute that you have a name for your boob. What do you call the other one?”
Groaner du Jour
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)
Groaner du Jour, Music Division
(You can blame “B-Squared” for this one, too …)
Snark du Jour
And now, what you’ve been waiting all week for!
This Week’s Walmartian
SUPER Walmartian Edition!
Shane – the Walmart Deli Clerk
The Walmart Car Show
Comforting to know …
… Health and Fitness News …
Gluten Free News for Vegan Vegetarians!
… is there anyone we haven’t offended? If so, it wasn’t deliberate and you’ll have to wait until next Friday. So, for today …