Hat tip to “Cousin Mary” for the theme today!
A group of Hells Angels bikers were riding South on I-85 in North Carolina country when they saw a girl about to jump off the Catawba River Bridge.
George, the top biker was a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Troopers and he says, “Hey Baby, whatcha doin’ up there on that there railin’?”
She says “I’m going to commit suicide!”
George says “Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe, how about you give ol’ George here your best goodbye kiss?”
Without hesitation, she leaned back over the rail and did just that. And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss plus a few more real wet ones. George gets cheers of approval from his biker-buddies, onlookers, and even the State Troopers.
“Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That’s a real talent you got there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me! Why the h** are you committing suicide?!”
“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.”
It is unclear whether “she” actually jumped or was pushed …
… And that segues neatly to …
• Customer Down In Aisle 5!
(Bows of the bowler to “Joe P” and “Dr. Mc” for this one!)
A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.
The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in their cart.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife.
“They’re on sale, only $20 for 24 cans” he replies.
“Put them back, we can’t afford them” demands the wife.
They carry on shopping. A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a
$40 jar of face Cream and puts it in the basket.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.
“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.
Her husband retorts, “So does 24 cans of beer, and it’s half the price.”
That’s him, there in Aisle 5.
… While we are on the subject of wedded bliss, “A. Nonymous” brings us this …
• Short Gun Story
A man storms into a saloon in the Wild West waving a Colt pistol, shouting: “I’ve got seven shells loaded in the clip and one in the chamber! I want to know who has been sleeping with my wife!”
A voice in the back of the bar shouted:
“You didn’t bring enough ammunition!”
… Now, “B-Squared” submits this …
• Trio of Groaners
… “Ol’ Petrol Head” asks …
• How Was Your Monday? – One Last Smoke Edition
… In a similar vein, “B-Squared” shows us …
• Why Women Live Longer Than Men
… “Scott S.” brings us this …
• Handy Primer On Asian Languages
• Separated at Birth – Kardashian Edition
… which brings us to our …
• Snark du Jour
• Well Played, Dad …
• Questionable Names – BJ Clinton Edition
This Week’s Walmartian
… with that, for this Friday …