A tip o’ the hat today to “B-Squared” for providing the theme!
… which brings us to …
… which connects us to …
• Hold My Beer
… and that segues to …
• Men in need of female supervision
… which of course is related to the example below of …
• Why Women Live Longer Than Men
• Questionable Names
• Separated at Birth: 2017 Toyota Prius – 1958 Oldsmobile
• And how was your Monday?
• That was very punny
• Snark du Jour
… speaking of fitted dresses, we have one on this …
• Australian Airline Attendant
(Hat tip: “Joe P.”)
A businessman in the first class cabin decided to chat up the drop dead gorgeous flight attendant: “What is your name?”
Flight Attendant: “Angela Benz, sir”
Businessman: “Lovely name …any relation to Mercedes Benz?”
Flight Attendant: “Yes sir, very close”
Businessman: “How close?”
Flight Attendant: “Same price”.
… in a similar vein, “Joe P.” also brings us this story about …
• Lemon Juice
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, ‘Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.’
The priest said, ‘Confess your sins and be forgiven.’
The young woman said, ‘Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.’
The priest thought long and hard and then said, ‘Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.’
The young woman asked, ‘Will this cleanse me of my sins?’
The priest said, ‘No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.’
… next up, thanks to “A. Nonymous,” we have our …
• Blonde Joke du Jour
A young ventriloquist is touring and puts on a show in a small town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts
shouting, “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you
think you can stereotype blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s people like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. It’s people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!”
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde interrupts yelling,
“You stay out of this! I’m talking to that little s*î† on your lap.”
… last Friday, we left out this example “Joe P.” provided of …
• Wedded Bliss – Curtain Rods Edition
On the first day after his divorce, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.
On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, a bottle of spring-water, 3 cans of sardines.
When he’d finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp dipped in caviar, and some sardines into the hollow center of the curtain rods.
He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at first all was bliss.
Then, slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!…People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house…The maid quit.
Finally, they couldn’t take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later – even though they’d cut their price in half – they couldn’t find a buyer for such a stinky house.
Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
Then the ex called the woman and asked how things were going. She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.
Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was, she agreed on a price that was only 1/10 the of what the house had been worth … but only if he would sign the papers that very day.
He agreed, and within two hours her lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.
A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home and to spite the ex-husband… they even took the curtain rods!
• Blame Edison
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)
… in the emergency room above, we find …
• This Week’s Fashion Tip
The fashion tip above segues neatly into …
This Week’s Walmartian!
The Walmart Car Show
Business News, Walmart Edition:
On that note, for this Friday, we’ll say …