The Friday Funnies – Men Are Such Deep Thinkers Edition

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A tip of the hat to “Ol’ Petrol Head” in the U.K. for today’s theme!

Men Are Such Deep Thinkers!

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I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, “Nothing.”
The reason I said “nothing” instead of saying “just thinking” is because she then would have asked, “About what?”

At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?

Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn’t really know, here is the reason for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It might be nice to have another child.”

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, “You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.”

I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap.

Another example of deep thinking by men is sent to us by “B-Squared”
• Two Guys

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Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to New York the other to California. They agree to meet in Chicago every ten years and play golf. At the age of 30, they finish their first round of golf and plan to go to lunch.

“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“Well, you know, they got the broads with the big racks and the tight shorts. The legs…”
“OK.”

Ten years later at 40 they play.
“Where you wanna go to lunch?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody has a little action on the games.”
“OK.”

Ten years later at 50.
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“The food is good and there is plenty of parking.”
”OK.”

At 60
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“Wings are half price.”
“OK”

At 70
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door.”
“OK.”

At 80
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“We’ve never been there before.”

• More News You Can Use:

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• Truth In Advertising

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• Is it champagne?
(Hat tip: “Dr. Mc”)

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On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.

The supermarket manager’s daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.

The florist’s son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.

The candy-store owner’s daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.

Then the liquor-store owner’s son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher

lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.. She touched a

drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.

“Is it wine?” she guessed. “No,” the boy replied. She tasted another drop

and asked, “Champagne?”

“No,” said the little boy, “It’s a puppy.”

• Food for thought …
(Via “B-Squared)

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“B-Squared” keeps us supplied with examples of
• Why Women Live Longer Than Men

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• Questionable Names

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• 50th Anniversary Vacation

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An elderly couple was flying to Hawaii for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the captain announces, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives.”

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later, the husband turns to his wife and asks, “Honey, did we pay the car bill this month?”

“No, sweetheart,” she responds.

Still shaken from the crash landing, he then asks, “Did we pay our credit card bill yet?”

“Oh no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says.

“One last thing, did you remember to pay the medical bill for the hospital visit last month?” he asks.

“Oh, forgive me, sweetheart,” begged the wife. “I didn’t send that one, either.”

The husband grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 50 years. She pulls away and asks him, “What was the hug for?”
The husband answers, “They’ll find us!”

…  Speaking of wives and husbands …

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• Snark du Jour

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• Pun du Jour

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• Lawyer Joke du Jour, Post-Thanksgiving Edition
(A repeat from our Pre-Thanksgiving Funnies)

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• Black Friday

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Speaking of Walmart …

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This Week’s Walmartian – Black Friday Edition

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Walmart Car Show

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-00OO00-

• Best. Police. Report. Ever

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On that note, it’s time to say 

That's All

2 Comments

Add yours →

  1. ….and once again – The Packard Man succeeds at putting me on the floor in hysterics!!

    Like

  2. Jack Darnell 25/11/2016 — 17:25

    I think I ‘knowed’ that sailor. LOL Good one, and the old man on the island was tright about ‘them bill collectors’, I can’t even hide in the RV! LOL

    Like

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