Friday Funnies – Frank Feldman Edition

Friday Funnies jpg

A tip of the hat today to “Dr. Mc” for the lead item!

hailing-a-cab

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.

Passenger: “Who?”

Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.

”Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”

Passenger: “Sounds like he was really something special.”

Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.”

Passenger: “Wow, what a guy!”

Cabbie: ‘He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”

Passenger: “How did you meet him?”

Cabbie: “I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife.”

in a somewhat related vein is this from “B-Squared” 
• Rednecks Are Good At Sensitive Stuff

3 rednecks

Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, ‘Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.

Donnie says, ‘OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.’ Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Ronnie says, ‘Where did you get that beer, Donnie?’
‘Cooter’s wife gave it to me,’ Ronnie replies.

‘That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?’ ‘Well, not exactly’, Donnie says. ‘When she answered the door, I said to her, “you must be Cooter’s widow.”

She said, ‘You must be mistaken. I’m not a widow.’ Then I said, ‘I’ll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.’

Rednecks are good at sensitive stuff.

Next up, “Gordon K” brings us
• Beauty Creme

Aisle 5-aAisle 5-b

“Gordon K” also submits
• Filling a Prescription

Prescription-order

Prescription

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• Why Women Live Longer Than Men
(Another shout out to “Gordon K.”)

Why Women Live Longer Than Men

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Fly the Un-Friendly Skies of United

Fly-the-unfriendly-skies-of-United

United-overbooked3United-overbooked2United-overbookedUnited-reaccommodatedUnited-45,000 ftUnited-AssadUnited-O'Hare-NORKsUnited-Easter-Bunny

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We now come to …

This Week’s Walmartian!

walmart-always-bad-service

Walmartian-Easter

The Walmart Car Show

Walmart Car Show-hand wipers

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• Snark du Jour
(Hat tips: “A. Nonymous”)

Snark-hold-your-breath

• A Heartwarming Lawyer Story
(Hat tips to “A. Nonymous” and “Dr. Mc” for sending this.)

Shark-Attorney

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass ?”

“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.
“We have to eat grass.”

“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said.

“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there eating grass under that tree.”

“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied.

Turning to the second poor man he stated, “You may come with us, also.”

The other man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!”

“Bring them all as well,” the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place.

The grass is almost a foot high.”

… Come on . . . did you really think there was such a thing as a heart-warming lawyer story? Look at Congress – there are over 300 lawyers in Congress!

And now, in closing, “B-Squared” asks
• Was It The Dog Or The Postman?

Dog or postman

2 Comments

Add yours →

  1. I knew a man who also married Frank’s widow! hahahahahah

    Good one all the way. I have been without internet for basically 2 days..

    Liked by 1 person

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