Hat tip: “Joe P.”
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob ‘s hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, “What the world’re ya doing, Billy Bob?”
“Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me,” says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. “But me ‘n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d’partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor.”
You can blame “Skip” for these …
The sergeant-major says to the cadet, “Johnson, I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.”
Johnson says, “Thank you very much, sir.”
What might one call a baker of unknown identity?
You might call him John Dough.
What is a nuclear physicist’s most cherished meal?
Why did our friend, the skeleton, not attend his high school junior prom?
Simply because he had no body to go with.
Over the years, eyesight jokes have really lost their appeal.
They just seem to get cornea and cornea.
• The Friday Funnies Food and Nutrition Corner:
• Wedded Bliss
(Hat tip: “Gordon K.”)
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after their honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the
garage, just for fun.
His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally spoke ..
“Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it’s time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop.
You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection and that stupid vintage Harley.”
Tom got a horrified look on his face.
She said, “Darling, what’s wrong?”
He replied, “There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife.”
“Ex-wife!” she screamed, “YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!”
Tom replied: “I wasn’t.”
This Week’s Walmartian
Walmart Car Show
• You KNOW You’ve ALWAYS Wanted To Do This!
(Hat tips:”Joe P.” and “Dr. Mc”)
• Don’t Mess With Kids
(Hat tip: “Ol’ Petrol Head”)
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a
human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a
human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”
The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”
• Snark du Jour
• Lawyer Joke du Jour
(Hat tip: “Dr. Mc” – whose father was lead counsel for the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe.)
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, very close to your IQ.
And now, in closing …
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)
If Titanic Were to Sink Today