Friday Funnies – Modern Life Edition

Friday Funnies jpg

A tip of the hat to “Joe P.” for today’s theme.

GPS dog

GPS-road closed

Battery life

Who died

He's gone

Flight simulatorWhatsApp-leadership

WhatsAppGroups

• Today’s Geometry Lesson:

(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)
Geometry

• WWLLTM

WWLLTM-tractor-shade

WWLLTM-hell-no

• The Friday Funnies Health and Wellness Corner

(Hat tip: Steven Hayward)

Headline of the Week-boobs

… now that brings us to …

BOOBS2

This is a … ahem … refresher course on the subject:

MAGA_boobs

Great Moments In History-snowcone boobs

boobs appear

Boobs-crack

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• For “Cousin Mary”

(Recovering from a broken pelvis.)

Broken bones

Catpresses

in a related vein:

Plastic surgery

Next up

• At “Dr. Mc’s” Clinic

(“Dr. Mc” is the Friday Funnies’ full time Staff neurologist.)

Sleep on your stomach

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• Queen Nyteshade

(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)

Queen Nyteshade had two claims to fame. She could tell fortunes and she was a midget.

The local authorities frowned on her because they thought that fortune telling was fraudulent.

They had Queeny arrested. She was placed in a holding cell. Since she was so small she was able to squeeze between the bars of her cell and escape.

This so incensed the judge that he ordered the local newspaper to print an article about the culprit.

The following headline was printed in the paper the next day.

“Small medium at large.”

and that segues to …

Midget Ho
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Dodge Ram

• How was your Monday?

How Was Your Monday-2

• The Friday Funnies Food and Nutrition Corner

lobster fries

• Blonde Joke du Jour

(Hat tip: “Ol’ Petrol Head”)

blonde jokes-sm

A Blonde In Church In Alabama …

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation
has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and will not accept this!

Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God
and this Christian Family “.

No one moved.

The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your Transgression.”

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic
rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke,

“Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.”

The preacher fell to his knees; his wife fainted; and the Congregation roared!
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The Blonde Joke du Jour is followed by the
• Lawyer Joke du Jour
(Hat tip: “Unkle Jerry”)

Shark-Attorney

This week’s Lawyer Joke is sponsored by:

Butt Solicitors

A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home. But he was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house.

When he said he had 12 children no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.

He couldn’t say he had no children, because he couldn’t lie — we all know lawyers cannot and do not lie. So he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids.

He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent.

He loved one of the homes and the price was right — the agent asked:

“How many children do you have?

He answered: “Twelve.”

The agent asked “Where are the others?”

The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look answered “They’re in the cemetery with their mother.”

MORAL: It’s not necessary to lie, one only needs to choose the right words. Don’t forget, most politicians are, unfortunately, lawyers.

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And now, in closing for this Friday:

Zebra upgrade

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