Friday Funnies – Italian Cow Edition

Friday Funnies jpg

A tip of the hat to “Unkle Jerry” for today’s theme.

Cow

The only cow in a small town in Northern Italy stopped giving milk. So the town folk found they could buy a cow in Sicily quite cheaply.

So, they brought the cow over from Sicily. It was absolutely wonderful. It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.

They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they’d never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.

The people were very upset and decided to go to the local veterinarian, Dr Santucchi, who was very wise, to tell him what was happening, and to ask his advice.

“Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side.”

The veterinarian rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, “Did you by chance, buy this cow in Sicily?”

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Sicily. “You are truly a wise veterinarian,” they said. “How did you know that we got the cow from Sicily?”

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eyes: “My wife is from Sicily.”

… mooving right along, we come to:

Lactose intolerant

Check Your Car Please

• Wedded Bliss

#1 Cause

Wedded Bliss-Concealed CarryWedded Bliss
Never Make Women Mad

female archeologists

Identify the body

Picking lemons

• WWLLTM

WWLLTM-tractor-shade

WWLLTM-Chip...

• Blonde Joke du Jour

(Hat tip: “Ol’ Petrol Head”)

Blonde-bald-joke

Bob walked into a bar around 5:58 PM.

He sat down next to a very attractive blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 6 o’clock news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”

Bob said, “You know, I reckon he’ll jump.”

The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!”

The blonde placed her money on the bar and kept watching the scene on the telly. The guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”

Bob replied, “I can’t take your money”. I saw this earlier on the 5 o’clock news, so I knew he would jump.”

The blonde replied, “So did I, but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

Bob took the money.

… the Blonde Joke du Jour is generally followed by the Lawyer Joke du Jour and today is no exception:

Lawyer-courtroom

A young man was chosen for jury duty who really wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them think worked.

On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench.

“Your Honor”, he said, “I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I thought, ‘He’s a crook! He’s guilty!’ So, your Honor, I cannot possibly stay on this jury!”

The tired and annoyed judge replied, “Get back in the jury box, you fool!
That man is the defendant’s lawyer!”

The Lawyer Joke du Jour was brought to us by:

Lawyers4

• A Good Deed:

• The Real, True and Un-redacted History of the Invention of the Wheel

invention of the wheel 

• Carefully Read the Manufacturer’s Instructions!

Chainsaw_funeral

• It’s Floriduh, Baby!

Floriduh!

Floriduh-swans

… which, of course, brings us to …

• Crazifornia

Crazifornia

crazifornia-beach

• More News You Can Use:

If-you-dont-pay-your-exorcist

psychic gathering

Mutants on the Bounty

Horse drawn carriages

• At “Dr. Mc’s” Clinic:

Deliver the baby

Ether bunnyIncisions, incisions

• The Friday Funnies Literacy Program

Another free public service sponsored by The Friday Funnies.

Literacy

unopposed_candidates_lose

• The Friday Funnies Food & Nutrition Corner

Vegan Pandas

Vegan-bacon cheeseburger

• The Friday Funnies Health & Fitness Corner

Run religiously

• How Was Your Monday?

How was your Monday

• Dawgznkatz

Let the dog out

… Now, to close for this Friday:

fast-servicePNG

8 Comments

Add yours →

  1. You sure kept me on the floor longer than usual this morning!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Bud Sansbury 11/05/2018 — 18:51

    Yes! Good one.
    Bud

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Enjoyed the visit, and I have been to that place that guaranteed Speedy service!

    I did like the lady who did good deeds!

    Liked by 1 person

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