Friday Funnies – Black Bra Edition

Friday Funnies jpg

Hat tip to “B-Squared” for today’s theme.

Black-Bra

The Black Bra

(As told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here’s how it all went………

My engaged friend:
“The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, “You are the woman of my dreams! I love you!” Then we made passionate love all night long.”

The mistress:
“Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office wearing a raincoat. Under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word. He started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.”

Then I had to share my story:
“When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said …

“What’s for dinner, Zorro?”

zorroOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

… speaking of things “horsey” …

Equestrian rich fellows

• Wedded Bliss

#1 Cause

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in all the years they had been married. On and on and on:- neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched – with a raised eyebrow.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, “That is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week.

Can you do this?”

“Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays … but I fish on Fridays.”

• WWLLTM

WWLLTM-tractor-shade

WWLLTM-a:c

• Texas Aggies
(Another nod to “B-Squared”.)

Aggie logo

Foreword: In Texas it is popular to poke fun at Texas Agricultural and Mechanical University – Texas A&M. Every Italian or Polish joke you’ve ever heard had its origin as a Texas Aggie joke. Joking aside, A&M is one of the country’s best engineering schools and has turned our a large number of superb officers for the U.S. Army. There is a (probably apocryphal) story about General George Patton having said “Give me an Army of West Point graduates and I’ll win a battle. Give me a handful of Texas Aggies and I’ll win a war.”

Patton:Aggies
Now, with that introduction, our story:
There were three Texas Aggie graduates; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide.

The guide tied a line from the crane to the end of a pole.

The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end.

The climber climbed to the top and dropped a tape measure which the guide promptly read and noted the measurement.

The crane operator then lowered the pole to the ground and repsitioned to pick up another pole.

This went on several times when the foreman came over and asked why they couldn’t measure the poles while they were laying on the ground?

The Texas Aggie grads replied in unison, “We need to know how tall the poles are, not how long.”

• Blonde Joke du Jour

Blonde-bald-joke

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The blonde driving turned to her friend and said, “You know – it’s blondes like her that give us a bad name!”

To this, the other blonde replies, “I know, and if I knew how to swim, I’d go out there and drown her.”

• Lawyer Joke du Jour

lawyer-shark

Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks.

After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks.

The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

• Katzndawgz

Katzndawgz

… next up:

• Groaner du Jour

Purr-riff-a-Roll Vision

• Mexican Word of the Day

MWOD-caesar

in a related vein 

• In case of an emergency, call …

9-juan-juan-beer

… which links us to

• Headline of the Day

Lets-put-a-stop-to-that

• Mussel car:

Mussel car

• The Friday Funnies Food and Nutrition Corner, Caffeine Edition:

Coffee - You Can Sleep When You're Dead

Coffee and Hairspray

and that brings us to

• Advice for Successful Relationships

 

Women's hands

… very closely related:

Woman's mood

• An Unsinkable Business Opportunity

An-unsinkable-business-opportunity

… speaking of business opportunities 

Porcupines on a stick

• I Worked For This Guy Once

(Thank you, Scott Adams.)

I worked for this guy onceI worked for this guy once-2nd opinion

• Separated at Birth

Separated at Birth-Tyler

… We close now with the 

• Best. Product. Review. Evah:

best-review

 

3 Comments

Add yours →

  1. Bud Sansbury 25/05/2018 — 10:54

    Now you dunnit! LAMO and spilled my drink. Dayum gppd ones!
    Bud

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Bud Sansbury 25/05/2018 — 10:56

    Yep! Laughing so hard couldn’t even spell good ones!!
    Bud

    Liked by 1 person

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