Friday Funnies – The Ponderings of Hugh Jass

Friday Funnies jpg

It has been a while since we have heard from The Friday Funnies’ resident philosopher, Hugh Jass. He chimes in today after his long absence.

Hugh Jass

The Ponderings of Hugh Jass

Why do peanuts float in a regular coke and sink in a diet coke? Go ahead and try it.

 

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

 

Can you cry under water?

 

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

 

Why do you have to “put your two cents in”… but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”?  Where’s that extra penny going?  Taxes?

 

Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

 

 

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

 

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

 

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

 

Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

 

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

 

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

 

Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?

 

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

 

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

 

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

 

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

 

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

 

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? 

 

HOW DID THE MAN WHO MADE THE FIRST CLOCK, KNOW WHAT TIME IT WAS?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

… which easily segues to …

Cured pig

speaking of cured ham

Who Wore It Better?

Who-wore-it-better.ham

blog-divider

YJCMTSU

YJCMTSU-Lance_Armstrong

Walmart-best-seller

,,, this is an appropriate time for …

• Your Friday Morning Floriduh Report

Floriduh-embarrassment

Floriduh-Scientist

• Mexican Word of the Day

MWOTD-Defense

• Wedded Bliss

#1 Cause

Wedded bliss-husbands never listen

• WWLLTM

WWLLTM-tractor-shade

WWLLTM-drill-knee

blog-divider

More News You Can Use:

Anatomy-of-generations...

bad-humor

Bee holder

Chikken_Strips

Dammed if you do

No feeding-beaver

blog-divider

We will close this Friday with a handy snark:

IQ test came back negative

4 Comments

Add yours →

  1. Len Dufresne 24/05/2019 — 05:25

    Mr. Jass:
    Another brilliant collection of quips! Thank you for your work.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s