Friday Funnies – Mensa Awards Edition

Friday Funnies jpg

Hat tip to “Lark Regal ’62” for today’s theme.

62-lark-left-front

Candidate for a Mensa Award

 

Click to play:

next up:
• WWLLTM

(Another hat tip to “Lark Regal ’62”)

WWLLTM-Tractor Shade

• Floriduh

Floriduh-embarrassment

Floriduh man-Target

Floriduh Man Friday

Floriduh Shark

Florida surfer bitten by shark, opts for trip to bar instead of hospital.

Click >>HERE<<

She must have originally lived in Floriduh:

YJCMTSU

Half Walmart cake

… Speaking of Walmart 

walmart-always-bad-service

Texas Walmart

Walmart-fate of human race

… moving now from Walmart to Walrus:

Walrus

… and that segues to:
• Separated at Birth

Separated at Birth-Homer_Walrus

… more retail fun and frolics:

Wanna Box

blog-divider

Chemistry joke

maths-jokes-12

• Wedded Bliss

Wedded Bliss-symbol

Wedded Bliss-through the wall

blog-divider

They sing because they can

• Mexican Word of the Day:

MWOTD-Judo

• Headline du Jour:

arson

• Snark du Jour

Snark-common_sense

• Blonde Joke du Jour:

blonde_jokes_laughing_now

Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, “Ring bell for night watchman.

She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.

The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.

“Well,” he snarled at the blonde, “what do you want?”

“I just want to know why you can’t ring the bell for yourself?”

• Lawyer Joke du Jour:

lawyer-shark

YOU KNOW YOU NEED A NEW LAWYER WHEN:

1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
2. He tells you that his last good case was a “Budweiser.”
3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
4. He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”
5. During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
6. He asks a hostile witness to “pull my finger.”
7. A prison guard is shaving your head.
8. Every couple of minutes he yells, “I call Jack Daniels to the stand!” and proceeds to drink a shot.
9. He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
10. He places a large “No Refunds” sign on the defense table.
11. He begins closing arguments with, “As Ally McBeal once said …”
12. He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
13. Just before trial starts he whispers, “The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?”
14. Just before he says “Your Honor,” he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
15. The sign in front of his law office reads “Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM.” 16. Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, “Whatever.”
17. He giggles every time he hears the word “briefs.”

• Who Wore It Better?

who wore it better-commode

• Separated at Birth

Jesse:angry cat

• Things you need to know:

Antelope-jump

• Groaner du Jour
(Hat tip: “Packard Truck Dave”)

Monks_Chanting

Many years ago in a land far, far away in a very secluded Abby there lived a number of Monks who were self sustained by raising all their food and selling magnificent hand-written copies of the Bible with beautiful calligraphy through out as well as gorgeous paintings of God’s nature.

However, there were some unusual aspects in this Abby as the aged Monk in charge allowed no Monk to talk – they had to ‘chant’ – and only out of necessity. Another anomaly was no one was ever allowed to speak against the head Monk as his word was ‘Gospel’. To add to all this, the elderly Monk was confused, so as to the point that his morning greeting was to chant “Good morning fellow Monks” – which was also the identical greeting at lunch time and again also for the supper meal! No monk would ever challenge his authority.

One day a young, free thinking Monk joined the Abby. He bristled at all the controls foisted upon him & his fellow Monks. After one particular exasperating long day of being chastised for his errant ways, he had enough. Trying to show at least some respect, this Monk spoke out at the supper meal as he loudly chanted a correction after the senior Monk gave his supper greeting.

Infuriated, the head Monk angrily chanted “Some Monk chanted evening!”

(Apologies to Rogers & Hammerstein)

… we will close for this Friday with:

Art Thou

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: