Friday Funnies: The Zen-ish Sayings of Hugh Jass

Friday Funnies jpg

 

The Sage of The Friday Funnies, Hugh Jass, is back with these Zen-ish sayings:

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, why don’t you just leave me  alone?

2. Sex is like air. It’s not that important unless you aren’t getting any.

3. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone $20.00 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

13. Good judgment comes from bad experience … and most of that comes from bad judgment.

14. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

15. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

16. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.

17. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

18. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our rear, then things just keep getting worse from there.

19. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!

• Floriduh

Floriduh-embarrassment

Floriduh-exploding toiletFloriduh-laxatives

Florida Man Friday:
Man Busted with Trump-Shaped Ecstasy Pills and So Much More!
Click >>HERE<<

____________________________________

Garfield

Drive-through pharmacy

The next one is in a Walmart. Notice the Walmart shopper rolling her cart through the rubble, leaning on the cart rather than pushing it, oblivious to what has just happened. Only in Walmart!

Walmart pickup

Need a fire extinguisher?

Fire extinguisher

Call a fire truck!

Fire extinguisher2

• YJCMTSU

YJCMTSU

Nigerian_e-mail_scam

• Separated at Birth – NBC’s Chuck Todd

Separated At Birth-F. Chuck Todd

• Who Wore It Better?

who wore it better-car wash

• Blonde Joke du Jour – Let’s play spot the blonde!

Spot the Blonde

• Lawyer Joke du Jour

Shark-Attorney

Allitigation

… Closely related:

Condescending

• Men In Need of Female Supervision:

Men-in-need-of-female-supervision-TicTacToe

which brings us to

• WWLLTM

WWLLTM-Tractor Shade

WWLLTM-forklift

• Wedded Bliss

Wedded bliss - husbandWedded bliss-birds

• Mexican Word of the Day

MWOD-Tomatoes

__________________________________

• Found at last!

needle-haystack

• Just Chicken Up On You:

Popeye's chicken

Fried Chicken map of the World

Grilled Chicken

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

• Know the Difference:

Things You Should Know-SiliconeJPG

OK, for this Friday …

That's All

7 Comments

Add yours →

  1. Hugh Jaynus 30/08/2019 — 01:41

    THE BEST! Great mix, all funny. Thank you for that voodoo that you do do, so well.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You’re the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Len Dufresne 31/08/2019 — 03:52

    Got to go…Literally, or I’ll wet my drawers. Much appreciated and very, very funny.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have never understood the appeal of Florida and yet it is the third most populous state in the nation. It is an “Emperor Has No Clothes” place for me.

    Liked by 1 person

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