Friday Funnies – Funny Bumper Stickers Edition

Friday Funnies jpg

List of things I hate

Lost your cat bumper sticker

Sorry officer

More Bumper Stickers …
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)

‘Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.’

‘Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death’

‘Cover me. I’m changing lanes.’

‘As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools’

‘The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.’

‘Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.’

‘Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.’

‘REHAB is for quitters’

‘I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!’

‘Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep’

‘I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather….Not screaming and yelling
like the passengers in his car….’

‘Montana — At least our cows are sane!’

‘I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.’

‘I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!’

‘According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist.’

‘Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.’

‘A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.’

‘How Can I Miss You if You Won’t Go Away?’

‘I’m not as think as you drunk I am’

‘Forget about World Peace…..Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !’

‘He who laughs last thinks slowest’

‘Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.’

‘Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.’

‘Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.’

‘Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone,somewhere may be happy.’

‘Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.’

‘i souport publik edekasion’

‘We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimulated.’

‘Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.’

‘Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…’

‘3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.’

‘Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?’

‘Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?’

‘2 + 2 =5 for extremely large values of 2.’

Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. – Dorothy.’

Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

Honk if parts fall off

Honk if one of my kids flies out

• Pinky the Cat Is Up For Adoption
Click to Play:

• Blonde Joke du Jour – She Was So Blonde That … Edition
(Hat tip: “B-Squared”)(

aoc-blonde jokes

She was so blonde that …

– she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday

– she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

– she thought a quarterback was a refund.

– she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.

– she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

– she thought Meow Mix was a music record for cats.

– under “education” on her job application, she put “Hooked On Phonics”.

– she tried to drown a fish.

– she tripped over a cordless phone.

– she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said “concentrate”.

– she put lipsick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

– she told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DON’T WALK”.

– she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

– if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you’d get change back.

– they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.

– she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept

– at the bottom of the application where it says “sign here”… she put “Sagittarius”

– she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

– it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

– if she spoke her mind, she’d probably be speechless.

– she studied for a blood test – and failed.

– she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

– she sold the car for gas money.

– when she saw the “NC-17” (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.

– when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

– she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.

– when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

– when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said “Airport Left”
she turned around and went home.

• Separated at Birth

Separated at Birth-Gene Simmons

• WWLLTM

WWLLTM-Tractor Shade

WWLLTM-death-wish

• Lawyer Joke du Jour

Lawyers4

Lawyer-technicalities

• Floriduh

Floriduh-embarrassment

Floriduh Man on Drugs

Floriduh Man-explosionFloriduh Man-pickled magic mushroomsFloriduh Man-Walmoart Pillow Aisle

Floriduh Man Friday:
 Man Jumps the Shark, Gets Bitten

Jump the shark

Read the whole thing >>HERE<<

Garfield

• Just for you, “Donald Tastebuds”
(You know who you are.)

Cat hot sauce

colon-cleaner-hot-sauce

hot-sauce-dog

… and now …
• For You, Mr. Undertaker
(You know who you are.)

People stop dying

Round hole-Square peg

I forgot my phone

• Wedded Bliss

Wedded Bliss-symbol

Best Florist Sign Ever

• Mexican Word of the Day

MWOD-Green_Pink_Yellow

• Snark du Jour

Snark du jour-Stupid

• Who Wore It Better?

Who Wore It Better-bus ride

… More News You Can Use:

Speaking French

… Speaking of Speaking French:

Golf-Adult Easter egg hunt

For this Friday …

That's All

6 Comments

Add yours →

  1. Oh you had me roaring today too!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m grey – I didn’t get all of the blond gags 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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