Friday Funnies – Job Evaluation Edition

Friday Funnies jpg

Hat tip: “B-Squared” for today’s theme.

Performance review

We all know people these descriptions could apply to!

The following were taken from actual employee evaluations:

* Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and shows
signs of starting to dig.

* His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

* I would not allow this man to breed.

* This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won’t be.

* Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

* When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever
foot was previously in there.

* He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

* This man has delusions of adequacy.

* He sets low personal standards and consistently fails to achieve them.

* This employee should go far — the sooner he starts, the better.

* This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

* Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t looking.

… after those, this seems fitting (was it in Floriduh?):

Brief chase

… Speaking of Floriduh …

Floriduh-embarrassment

Your Friday Morning Florida Report
Posted on 10/11/2019
Meet Heather Mayeux.

The 43-year-old was arrested last night for domestic battery after allegedly stubbing out a cigarette on her boyfriend’s forehead during an argument in their Florida residence.

Floriduh man-bullet in brainFloriduh newsFloriduh-trifecta

Floriduh Man Friday – Naked Car Burglar Edition

Floriduh-Naked car burgler

Read all about it right >>HERE<<

__________________

• Blonde Joke du Jour

Anne O'Dyne

Norman and his blonde wife live in Fargo, North Dakota.
One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”

Norman’s wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later, while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”

So, Norman’s wife goes out and moves her car.

The next week they are having breakfast again and the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 10 -12 inches of snow today. You must park…” and then the electricity goes out in the middle of the sentence.

Norman’s wife says, “Honey, I don’t know what to do…”

Norman says, “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time.”

• Lawyer Joke du Jour

Shark-Attorney

YOU KNOW YOU NEED A DIFFERENT LAWYER WHEN:

1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
2. He tells you that his last good case was a “Budweiser.”
3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
4. He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”
5. During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
6. He asks a hostile witness to “pull my finger.”
7. A prison guard is shaving your head.
8. Every couple of minutes he yells, “I call Jack Daniels to the stand!” and proceeds to drink a shot.
9. He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
10. He places a large “No Refunds” sign on the defense table.
11. He begins closing arguments with, “As Ally McBeal once said …”
12. He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
13. Just before trial starts he whispers, “The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?”
14. Just before he says “Your Honor,” he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
15. The sign in front of his law office reads “Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM.” 16. Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, “Whatever.”
17. He giggles every time he hears the word “briefs.”

• Snark du Jour

Snark-Brain is an app

• Separated at Birth – Gerald Nadler & Penguin

Separated at Birth Nadler-Penguin

• WWIB?

WWIB-Ice Cream Sandwich

• These are for you, Mr. Undertaker:
(You know who you are!)

mortician-humor-last-legs

Accidental Suicide

Algebra-Time-to-celebrate

Death and diet

• Mexican Word of the Day

MWOD-Ice Chest

• Wedded Bliss

hand over the credit card

Wedded Bliss

• WWLLTM

WWLLTM-Tractor Shade

WWLLTM-electrical

• Know the Difference:

Know the difference: pyramid

_____________

More News You Can Use:

News You Can Use

3 hardest things to say

Always there for you

Apple headquarters

Awkward-moment-when-you-see-a-cat-on-your-car

In closing for this Friday:

2020 Vision

4 Comments

Add yours →

  1. Maybe I’ve made this comment before, but to me Floriduh is an “Emperor Has No Clothes” place. Yeah, it’s warm there. It’s warm in the Sahara Desert, but I don’t want to live there, either.

    Liked by 1 person

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